Julie A. Bauer, MD       Kimberley A. Webster-Bourne, MD, FACE

Know your Goal's  - A1C <7.0%,    Blood Pressure  <120/80,   Cholesterol <200.  Iif you are not meeting these goals -   Talk with your Dr.                      Weekly Funny

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Please note that we had been updating these weekly but someone was offended by a joke so we have stopped updating.  What do you think?  send me your funnies and I will post them.  info@bestendo.com

 

Contributed by one of our own.

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight.  The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it.  A woman in the car behind him is watching traffic pass around them.  The woman begins pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man to move.  The man doesn't move.

The woman is going ballistic inside her car, ranting and raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel and dash.  The light turns yellow and the woman begins to blow the car horn, flips him off, and screams profanity and curses at the man.

The man, looks up, sees the yellow light and accelerates through the intersection just as the light turns red.

The woman is beside herself, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection.  As she is still in mid-rant she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the barrel of a gun held by a very serious-looking policeman.

The policeman tells her to shut off her car while keeping both hands in sight.  She complies, speechless at what is happening.  After she shuts off the engine, the policeman orders her to exit her car with her hands up.  She gets out of the car and he orders her to turn and place her hands on her car, then handcuffs her and takes her to the police station where she is fingerprinted, photographed, searched, booked, and placed in a cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door for her.  She is escorted back to the booking desk where the original officer is waiting with her personal effects and says, "I'm really sorry for this mistake.  But, you see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.  I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.

Naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."

 

 

 

 

 

Contributed by GEORGE WEBSTER, Ph.D. www.george-webster.com

 

How To Tell What The Weather Is Outside

 

    To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.
    If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.

    But if the dog is standing there soaking wet, it is raining really hard.
    If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's windy.
    If the dog has snow on his back, it's snowing.
     Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time,         especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely,  The CAT

 

 

 

 

Why We Proof Read  Contributed by J.B. 

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The Abbot says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son".

 

So, he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscript is held in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. Eventually the young monk gets worried and goes downstairs to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall. His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" In a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word is celebrate, not celibate!"

 

 

THE ROPE Contributed by J.B.   

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off. Otherwise they are all going to fall.

They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands...

 

 

The Retiree   Contributed by GEORGE WEBSTER, Ph.D. www.george-webster.com

A recent retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

    

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.

 

    "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
    "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." the pro finally said, once he was able to speak again. 


    "Oh great!", the beginner replied, "NOW you tell me!"

 

Cigarette Man

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
    "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look", she said. 

"What's your secret for a long happy life?"
    "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
    "That's amazing", the woman said. "How old are you?'
    "Twenty-six," he said.

 

 

For all you Golfers out there.

The Police were called to a home in an exclusive neighborhood in west Orange  county, where they hold an annual golf tournament.  A neighbor called after she heard loud piercing screams coming from this home.  When the police arrived at the very expensive well manicured home they saw a man standing in the living room next to his brown leather golf bag with white lettering.  He had a stainless steel shaft, 7 iron, in his hands.  Next to the bag lay a lifeless woman's body.  

The man appeared calm but stared in disbelief at his 7 iron.  The police looked at the dead woman's body which looked like it had been struck repeatedly with a golf club.  

 

The police asked, "Sir, is this your wife?"  

"Yes", he replied.  

"Do you know how she died?", they asked.  

"Yes", he replied.  

It looks like she has been struck 7 or 8 times about the head with a golf club, the policewoman said aloud.  

 

The husband replied, "Yes, that is true, but can you put me down for 5?"

Contributed by one our golfers with a 5 handicap, H.G.

    

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Last modified: July 26, 2010